I am learning about healthy dating, and so far it has been an exciting journey. I allowed myself the opportunity to go out with a nice gentleman last week. It was relaxing and fun. The best part—no drama! I was pleasantly surprised. I went into the situation knowing that I was not looking for anything serious; a friend for sure!
The evening couldn’t have gone better. We had several things in mind. I was able to stay present and not drift off into “fantasy land,” like I used to in my active addiction. I left the evening feeling hopeful that he and I would have another date. In fact, we agreed that we might link up this weekend.
Then I got an email last night:
….If I may turn the email to a slightly more melodramatic path: I have been accused of sending mixed signals, and I'm not always great about being clear about my intentions. So, for transparency's sake, I'm not looking for much more than friendship right now. I just didn't want to make you think I was looking for things to turn romantic or anything. (Perhaps its stupid of me to even mention, but again, I don't want to be misleading. I'm just really bad and reading and sending clear signals.)
Hmmmm….I received this email while out with a friend, so I was grateful I had someone to process with. Since this is my first foray into healthy dating things are a little confusing for me still. Was this a brush off? A tentative “friends only?” “Is he even interested in getting to know me more?” He later wrote that he would still like to get together this weekend, which is nice.
My mind became flooded with a lot of supposition and unnecessary angst. I consulted with some friends, and the consensus is that this guy and I are on the same page—friendship first. I am still following my dating plan (click here to get your free dating plan).
I am an addict in recovery and unfortunately that doesn’t stop my “addict” from creating drama where there is none. I have spent some time this morning reflecting, and I am grateful for this experience. I have no lofty ideas for this friendship. Making a new friend is the priority. But, I was hoping I would get a different type of email….if I stay in that place too long I will end up resenting the process though. “Go with the flow” as my daily meditation email said this morning.
What’s your method of “going with the flow?”
Stay safe, sane and sober,
DJ
djburr.com
ijustwantedlove.com
I think it was really respectful of the guy to be straight forward with you! It may not have been exactly what you wanted to hear but it's definitely better than being lead on! I never really considered myself in "recovery" but I guess I am now too (after leaving a 2.5 year toxic and codependent relationship) and my way to "go with the flow" is this - stay focused on myself! Read, be productive, don't assume, do what feels good, stay in the moment. Easy, right? HAHA! As you know, it's not. But I almost feel like I need to over do it on wearing "blinders" so my mind doesn't go off like crazy. I hope some of my comment makes sense :) Good luck to you!!!
ReplyDeleteAshley, thank you! I enjoyed reading your comments. I agree about blinders but that might scare me more. LOL. Good luck to you.
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