The Return of Choice

In the rooms of recovery, we often talk about the "return of choice." In other words, we become able to choose for ourselves instead of our addicted brains compelling us to do harmful, destructive behaviors. 

I am grateful for the return of choice. Having the ability to choose has opened up my sober life to many beautiful, inspirational opportunities. I am no longer compelled to carry out sexual acts that are against my value system. I can have male friends without sexualizing the relationship or them. I have learned to love myself and love others as human beings who are perfectly imperfect. 

I am free of compulsive behaviors dictating my very existence. My choices are no longer directed toward a bottomless pit of shame and despair. I don't have to consider suicide as an option to hide away from pain. 

I have a family who loves me and whom I love. I don't have to make sure they are okay before I am okay. I get to experience healthy dating for the first time in my life. I no longer have to have hook ups with strangers in order to feel valuable, wanted and loved.

I have the choice to be myself. Recovery has given me the freedom to choose who I am; who I love; want I want; want I need, and to make healthy decisions without sabotaging my life in the process. 

Writing my memoir, I Just Wanted Love: Recovery of a Codependent, Sex and Love Addict, has given me an outlet to get all my secrets out. I no longer have to carry them around like a one-hundred pound boulder. Today, I am living a healthy life. I like myself and I love myself like never before. 

I am grateful for recovery--without it I wouldn't be safe, sane, and sober. 

Happy New Year to you and yours. Take care of yourselves and each other. 

Sincerely, 

DJ Burr

Tense & Release

My new book, "IJust Wanted Love: Recovery of a Codependent, Sex and Love Addict," will be released on December 31, 2014, which is only 18 days away! I am truly excited to have the world know my story. I believe it will be helpful to so many in recovery and those exploring whether or not recovery is for them.

Although I have all this excitement---it is causing some tension as well. My story is not a simple story. It is extremely complex and a many people will be impacted by the words I have written. A few weeks ago, I traveled to Georgia to talk to some of those people. I had to share with them some emotionally painful facts about my life pre- and post-recovery. 

I was grateful that I walked away from that experience having a new found love and respect for my family. They were mostly appreciative of my openness and willingness to be so vulnerable. I know they are proud of me. 

I remember feeling so much tension prior to meeting with each person to tell him/her a piece of my story. I didn't know what to expect. I tried not to make assumptions about what the response would be. I relied on my Higher Power to guide my words and my actions--and I made it through. I would leave a person's home or restaurant location and feel the tension and anxiety release from my body. It felt relieving, but after doing that probably more than ten times I was exhausted. I think I am still recovering from my trip. 

My work hasn't stopped since returning to my home in Seattle; I made a choice to notify the spouse of the man who molested me. Higher Power helped me understand that notifying her is the next step in my recovery process. I mentioned my desire to my therapist and he told me that by telling her my truth I would finally be free of all secrets--no more fuel for my addiction!

As you might imagine, I felt incredible amounts of tension during the writing process. I prayed before allowing my Higher Power to guide my words. I wrote until the letter felt complete. My body became so tense--I felt physically sick, but I felt relieved moments later. It was like a toxin was finally out of my system. I cried while reading the letter to one of my best friends. It was the most impactful letter I have ever written. It was the honest, brutal truth. It was brave and beautiful. It is freedom. 

I don't know how many people will appreciate the work that I am sharing, but if just one person is helped, I am happy. Let my voice be a guide when you need one. My process hasn't been perfect, but it is overseen by a loving Higher Power who wants nothing but the best for me--that's more than I could ever ask for. 

If you want a chance to heal--tell your truth, even if it's only on paper. Allow the tension an opportunity to release.

Stay safe, sane, and sober. 

Happy Holidays,

DJ

ijustwantedlove.com

tinyurl.com/ijwltrailer--book trailer

Songs of "I Just Wanted Love"