Tense & Release

My new book, "IJust Wanted Love: Recovery of a Codependent, Sex and Love Addict," will be released on December 31, 2014, which is only 18 days away! I am truly excited to have the world know my story. I believe it will be helpful to so many in recovery and those exploring whether or not recovery is for them.

Although I have all this excitement---it is causing some tension as well. My story is not a simple story. It is extremely complex and a many people will be impacted by the words I have written. A few weeks ago, I traveled to Georgia to talk to some of those people. I had to share with them some emotionally painful facts about my life pre- and post-recovery. 

I was grateful that I walked away from that experience having a new found love and respect for my family. They were mostly appreciative of my openness and willingness to be so vulnerable. I know they are proud of me. 

I remember feeling so much tension prior to meeting with each person to tell him/her a piece of my story. I didn't know what to expect. I tried not to make assumptions about what the response would be. I relied on my Higher Power to guide my words and my actions--and I made it through. I would leave a person's home or restaurant location and feel the tension and anxiety release from my body. It felt relieving, but after doing that probably more than ten times I was exhausted. I think I am still recovering from my trip. 

My work hasn't stopped since returning to my home in Seattle; I made a choice to notify the spouse of the man who molested me. Higher Power helped me understand that notifying her is the next step in my recovery process. I mentioned my desire to my therapist and he told me that by telling her my truth I would finally be free of all secrets--no more fuel for my addiction!

As you might imagine, I felt incredible amounts of tension during the writing process. I prayed before allowing my Higher Power to guide my words. I wrote until the letter felt complete. My body became so tense--I felt physically sick, but I felt relieved moments later. It was like a toxin was finally out of my system. I cried while reading the letter to one of my best friends. It was the most impactful letter I have ever written. It was the honest, brutal truth. It was brave and beautiful. It is freedom. 

I don't know how many people will appreciate the work that I am sharing, but if just one person is helped, I am happy. Let my voice be a guide when you need one. My process hasn't been perfect, but it is overseen by a loving Higher Power who wants nothing but the best for me--that's more than I could ever ask for. 

If you want a chance to heal--tell your truth, even if it's only on paper. Allow the tension an opportunity to release.

Stay safe, sane, and sober. 

Happy Holidays,

DJ

ijustwantedlove.com

tinyurl.com/ijwltrailer--book trailer

Songs of "I Just Wanted Love"

Dating In Recovery Pt. 2

I am learning about healthy dating, and so far it has been an exciting journey. I allowed myself the opportunity to go out with a nice gentleman last week. It was relaxing and fun. The best part—no drama! I was pleasantly surprised. I went into the situation knowing that I was not looking for anything serious; a friend for sure!

The evening couldn’t have gone better. We had several things in mind. I was able to stay present and not drift off into “fantasy land,” like I used to in my active addiction. I left the evening feeling hopeful that he and I would have another date. In fact, we agreed that we might link up this weekend.

Then I got an email last night:

….If I may turn the email to a slightly more melodramatic path: I have been accused of sending mixed signals, and I'm not always great about being clear about my intentions. So, for transparency's sake, I'm not looking for much more than friendship right now. I just didn't want to make you think I was looking for things to turn romantic or anything.  (Perhaps its stupid of me to even mention, but again, I don't want to be misleading. I'm just really bad and reading and sending clear signals.) 

Hmmmm….I received this email while out with a friend, so I was grateful I had someone to process with. Since this is my first foray into healthy dating things are a little confusing for me still. Was this a brush off? A tentative “friends only?” “Is he even interested in getting to know me more?”  He later wrote that he would still like to get together this weekend, which is nice. 

My mind became flooded with a lot of supposition and unnecessary angst. I consulted with some friends, and the consensus is that this guy and I are on the same page—friendship first. I am still following my dating plan (click here to get your free dating plan).

I am an addict in recovery and unfortunately that doesn’t stop my “addict” from creating drama where there is none. I have spent some time this morning reflecting, and I am grateful for this experience. I have no lofty ideas for this friendship. Making a new friend is the priority. But, I was hoping I would get a different type of email….if I stay in that place too long I will end up resenting the process though. “Go with the flow” as my daily meditation email said this morning.

What’s your method of “going with the flow?” 

Stay safe, sane and sober,

DJ

djburr.com

ijustwantedlove.com