Tense & Release

My new book, "IJust Wanted Love: Recovery of a Codependent, Sex and Love Addict," will be released on December 31, 2014, which is only 18 days away! I am truly excited to have the world know my story. I believe it will be helpful to so many in recovery and those exploring whether or not recovery is for them.

Although I have all this excitement---it is causing some tension as well. My story is not a simple story. It is extremely complex and a many people will be impacted by the words I have written. A few weeks ago, I traveled to Georgia to talk to some of those people. I had to share with them some emotionally painful facts about my life pre- and post-recovery. 

I was grateful that I walked away from that experience having a new found love and respect for my family. They were mostly appreciative of my openness and willingness to be so vulnerable. I know they are proud of me. 

I remember feeling so much tension prior to meeting with each person to tell him/her a piece of my story. I didn't know what to expect. I tried not to make assumptions about what the response would be. I relied on my Higher Power to guide my words and my actions--and I made it through. I would leave a person's home or restaurant location and feel the tension and anxiety release from my body. It felt relieving, but after doing that probably more than ten times I was exhausted. I think I am still recovering from my trip. 

My work hasn't stopped since returning to my home in Seattle; I made a choice to notify the spouse of the man who molested me. Higher Power helped me understand that notifying her is the next step in my recovery process. I mentioned my desire to my therapist and he told me that by telling her my truth I would finally be free of all secrets--no more fuel for my addiction!

As you might imagine, I felt incredible amounts of tension during the writing process. I prayed before allowing my Higher Power to guide my words. I wrote until the letter felt complete. My body became so tense--I felt physically sick, but I felt relieved moments later. It was like a toxin was finally out of my system. I cried while reading the letter to one of my best friends. It was the most impactful letter I have ever written. It was the honest, brutal truth. It was brave and beautiful. It is freedom. 

I don't know how many people will appreciate the work that I am sharing, but if just one person is helped, I am happy. Let my voice be a guide when you need one. My process hasn't been perfect, but it is overseen by a loving Higher Power who wants nothing but the best for me--that's more than I could ever ask for. 

If you want a chance to heal--tell your truth, even if it's only on paper. Allow the tension an opportunity to release.

Stay safe, sane, and sober. 

Happy Holidays,

DJ

ijustwantedlove.com

tinyurl.com/ijwltrailer--book trailer

Songs of "I Just Wanted Love"

#DramaFree32

Today is my birthday and I am excited! Happy 32nd to me. I remarked earlier on Facebook that the best birthday present that I could give to myself was to be safe, sane, sober, and single...and I am all four of these. 

It was shocking to think about being single and not be freaked out about it. For the last 20 years or so, I have been searching for love in all the wrong places. To be single was a death sentence. It equated to being abandoned. And who wants to be abandoned?

One of the important lessons that I learned on my recovery journey is this: only children can be abandoned; adults should know that another person isn’t guaranteed to be present forever. It’s hard to believe, but so very true.

I was emotionally abandoned as a kid. I don’t blame my parents….anymore. They both did they best that they could do at the time. Neither had the luxury of getting a “how-to” manual from their respective parents on how to be “good parents.” Today, I am grateful for both of my parents—without them I wouldn’t be writing this blog post and sharing all my inner workings with my followers.

This last year has been a journey for sure. I didn’t know what to expect twelve months ago when I was celebrating my 31^st birthday. I knew that I had a year of sobriety under my belt, and I was adamant about holding on to my sobriety and my recovery. I stayed close to my recovery—which meant staying away from slippery places and people—but the one place I couldn’t escape was my home and, the one person, my husband.

Four years ago, I married the man I believed to be my best friend. We had issues from the beginning and we just covered them up and went on smiling and planning for the future. I wanted to be loved and that meant staying in a relationship even when it wasn’t working out. It was a habit. I had done it twice before. I didn’t know or couldn’t accept that it was a pattern, at the time.

All I knew was that I had a partner that loved me and that was enough. We tried to make it work, but over the last year it became evident that the pain we were both in, internally and externally, was not making life manageable. In fact, life was unmanageable.

Working a two Twelve-Step programs and trying to save a marriage at the same time is a courageous, yet foolish, journey, in my humble opinion. It was unfair to the relationship, to me, and to him to try such a momentous task. We aren't perfect. 

Unfortunately, the marriage failed. I know that I am not a failure. I know that he is not a failure. We made mistakes and those mistakes led to the downfall of our marriage. The last 12 months taught me a valuable lesson: MAKE YOURSELF A PRIORITY AND KEEP MOVING FORWARD! It was a resounding echo in my head.

To keep myself a priority, I had to end my marriage. I will say that I firmly believe we are both grateful for it—even if it still hurts. And it will hurt for a while. I loved him greatly.

Instead of always “wanting” love, I began to love—myself. I have learned to love myself and to love myself feels good.

I am learning to take care of all my needs and ask for some of my wants. I no longer have to fight to make myself a priority. I am “The Priority.” I am proud to say that so many things have changed that are pretty damn awesome.

My new book, “I Just Wanted Love: Recovery of a Codependent,Sex and Love Addict” will be released on 12.31.14. Pre-Order is available on Amazon.com. My entire recovery journey, starting from my formative years, all the way to the last year or so of my recovery, is highlighted. It has been an amazing, painstaking journey that has brought me great joy.

I hope to write more about my courage, strength, and hope. I want to share my ups and downs with my family, friends, and fans. Like the first chapter of I Just Wanted Love says, “I Am Only As Sick As My Secrets.”

Stay safe, sane, and sober,

D.J. Burr

djburr.com

ijustwantedlove.com

http://tinyurl.com/k9s5r4t I Just Wanted Love-Book Trailer

Follow Me on Twitter: @DJBURR1022